Goodbye to you
by VeroGeller
Summary: She wants to move on, but will she be able to do it? RnR stand alone fic, based on Michelle Branch's song 'Goodbye to you'. Please read and review


Hi!... this is a one chapter fic... kind of like a stand alone you may say it... I've never written anything like this, so if it sucks, I'm sorry it was 3AM when I wrote it.

Like you all now the characters do not belong to me, and neirther does the song, "Goodbye to you" was written by Michelle Branch, she's an amazing singer and songwriter =0).  
  
**~~Goodbye to you~~**  
  
He stood looking into her eyes for a while, lost in the depths of the kindness and tenderness and yet pain and hurt her blue eyes expressed. Seeing himself in them, seing her soul and his, just like if he was standing in front of a mirror.   
So many years shared, together and apart. He knew she'll always be his past, his present and his future. He wondered if he ever felt so sure about his feelings before. Probably not. Probably not even when they were together. And it hurt. Because even though she was standing right in front of him, with her hands holding his and her eyes locked on a deep look with his, she had never been so far away.  
  
It was time to let her go. He knew it. It was time for her to reach her dreams. It was time for her to finally be happy. He had to let her go. He needed to let her go, for her good, for his good.   
Would he ever stop loving her? probably not. I t had been 20 years since the first time he looked at her and felt butterflies in his stomach, and ever since, he had never lost them and never will. 20 years from now he will look at her and feel the same nervousness he was feeling right in that moment. He still will be the nerd boy in love with the most popular cheerleader from school. He still will be dreaming about being with her.  
  
Why was he such a coward? Why didn't he told her what he was feeling? why wasn't he ever able to tell her what he was feeling? probably because it was too much to put down in words, or perhaps because he knew it would only hurt her, it would only make her harder to keep moving on. Cause he knew she had already started walking that long way a while ago, that road that took her away from him, to a place where their paths didn't cross anymore, a place where he was no longer hi her life and she was no longer in his, even though she will always be in his heart, tatooed in his soul, printed in his essence.  
  
The memories of the year they spent together filled his mind along with a feeling of lonelyness in his heart.Those moments were his most treasured posetion, and the one thing no one could take away from him, because they were memories. Thoughts of a better time, when everything was earier, when life was good because he got up every morningknowing that she was his and he was hers. Believing in fairy tales, in eternal love, immortal feelings and all that crap women always talked about. He was leaving a fairy tale, everyday since he woke up and saw her laying next to him, he felt that was magic. It was the only way he could explain it. He was a little kid trapped in his most fantastic dream from wich he didn't want to wake up. He wanted to keep dreaming for eternity. But now, as much as he tried closing his eyes, the dream was over, because it hadn't been a dream, it had been reality. For once in his lifetime, his life had been perfect, for once in his lifetime he had loved and being loved the way you could only imagine it was possible. And yet, somehow he had managed to crash it. He had destroyed his very own dreams, cracked his fantasies and hurt the one woman he had loved his entire life. Sure he had had strong feelings for other women, wich at the moment he thought was love, but once he started comparing them to what he felt for her, there was no doubt about it. She was the only one. She his life.  
  
_Of all the things I believed in  
I just want to get over with_  
  
Get over it? it was so easy to say it. Just a 3 words phrase with no more complication. Was she ever gonna be able to just 'get over it' and move on? She had tried. She had tried with all her heart for the past 6 years, and yet, somehow this same old feelings kept draging her back to him. This was her last and desesperate attempt to get over him. It had to work  
  
_Tears from behind my eyes  
But I do not cry  
Counting the days that pass me by_  
  
He looked so broken. But it was hard for her to tell if it was because of her or because of their little daughter. She wanted to hug him to confort him, to tell him this was just temporary. But she didn't. She stood still, just looking at him. This wasn't for a month or two, this was for a lifetime. A lifetime without him, without his sweet kisses, his gentle touch or his alway cheering, wise and conforting words. At this thought she felt like crying, but she didn't either. She didn't have to be weak. For once she had to remain strong in her decition and not bail. She couldn't cry. She couldn't step back, because this was a one way street, no moving backward, only moving forward. There was nothing back, just some happy memories covered with a lot of pain and tears. The same tears she didn't want to cry anymore.  
  
_I've been searching deep down in my soul  
Words that I'm hearing  
Are starting to get old_  
  
She kept looking at him in a daze. Looking into the depths of his soul for answers to her questions. Why? Why did it have to be so hard? Why couldn't it be like you thought love was when you were 15, meeting the perfect guy, falling in love and living happyly ever after. Why did it have to be so complicated? Did she not deserved to be happy? Did she do something wrong? Was she paying for some kind of sin she didn't know about? or was it just fate playing cruel games at her for taking the decision of making it on her own 10 years ago. Whatever was the case it had her standing in front of the one guy she had ever loved, the one guy she'd been in love with for the last 10 years. The one guy who will always be in her heart. Her only and real love. The one guy she was moving on from.  
  
_It feels like I'm starting all over again  
The last 3 years were just pretend_  
  
Start all over. That was what she needed to do. It worked the last time, when she moved into the city. When she left her old life and started to make it on her own. When he came back into her life and all this feeling were born. She was tired of lying to herself about what she was really feeling, pretending everything was ok when it really wasn't. How long had it being since the last time she accepted to herself she loved him? 3 years? 4 years?... she didn't know anymore. The only thing she was sure about was that it had to end. The time to finally say goodbye had arrived.  
  
_So I say...  
Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything that I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I try to hold on to  
  
I still get lost in your eyes  
And it seems that I can't live a day  
Without you_  
  
How could she say goodbye to those eyes? to that smile? to those warm arms? How was she going to be able to live without his voice, his lame dinasaurs stories, his passion for life, his carrer and his children? How was she supposed to carry on so far away from him? Even from their fights. She will miss everything she was leaving behind. Everything that was him  
  
_Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away  
to a place where I'm blinded by the lights  
but it's not right_  
  
She couldn't go. She couldn't live without him, without those eyes that were looking streight into hers, without his smile or without his passion for life that once was also for her. But what did she have left here? waiting? friendship? longing? not being able to finally move on, to be happy or to meet somebody else? cause as long as he was near she will never be able to do all of those things. Any guy was as good as him. Nobody was. So she needed to go, she needed to scape the gosht of their so long ago ended relationship. She needed to say goodbye.  
  
_Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything that I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to_  
  
He saw it in her eyes, he still could read her like an open book. She didn't want to go. She was waiting for him to give her a reason to stay. Just like him, she didn't want to say goodbye to her feelings. Those feelings burried and denyed for years but that now in that very moment were fighting their way back to the surface, burning like a fire and hurting like a sword across the chest.  
He had nothing left to lose, so he leaned in, ready to give her the most powerful reason to stay. His love. Looking for her mouth. Looking for a kiss that was a symbol of happyness. Looking for one last chance.  
  
_And it hurts to want everything  
And nothing at the same time  
I want what's yours   
And I want what's mine  
I want you, but I'm not giving in this time_  
  
He wanted to kiss her. She knew that look in his eyes better well. She wanted to kiss him too. But wouldn't it make letting go even harder? wouldn't hurt a lot less if they just stop staring at each other and keep going on their ways? Probably yes. But she wanted to kiss him, there was no way on denying that.  
When his lips touched hers she felt like a warm wave went from her lips all the way down to the tip of her toes, making her shiver. That was the effect his kisses always had in her. The power of taking her breath away, clouding her eyes, making her want to stay like that forever, with his hands on her waist and hers on his back.  
But this time had to be different. She couldn't give in. She couldn't just let herself go. She had to be strong. So quickly she pulled away, breaking the kiss. If she kept kissing him there was no way she could leave. She wanted him, but she also wanted a life without him. She desperalty wanted to let go.  
  
_Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to_  
  
  
When she broke the kiss he understood the message. She wanted to go, she didn't want another shoot. And couldn't help feeling hurt, although deep down he knew she was right. Saying goodbye was the only for both of them to finally move on. In 10 years they've only hurted each other. Why would she want to go on with that?  
  
"You better go now" he said with a flat tone in his voice, lowing his eyes  
"Yeah... I do" she replied, avoiding eye contact as well  
"Call me when you land" he added  
"Don't worry, I will"  
  
He raised his eyes, once again looking into her eyes "Good luck with your new life"  
"Tha... thanks" she answered softly  
  
He kissed her quickly on the cheek before going to where his sister was standing with his daughter while he and the girl's mother said goodbye. She was the living image of her. The same sparkling blue eyes, the same honey hair and the same cute and sweet smile. Both, mother and daughter had the power to melt his heart in just a second. And both did everytime he looked at them.  
  
He stood up and started walking away. Away from the one that could have been his family if he hadn't been such a coward all of this years. Away from the one woman he had loved even more than he could imagine. Away from everything he had ever dream on having. Away from love. Away from happyness.  
  
"Ross wait!!" he heard her calling him out. He turned around and saw her running to him. When she reached the spot where he was standing she looked one more time into his eyes and for the first time in many years everything seemed clear. She kissed him, and he kissed her back. Sharing more than just a kiss, knowing that this was a new begining  
  
_And when the stars fall  
I will lay awake  
You're my shooting star_  
  
That day both said goodbye, but not to each other. They said goodbye to their lifes appart, to the fears, jealousies and regrets that hunted them for 10 years. Goodbye to the doubts, to the pain and to the insecurities. Ready to start all over again, ready to be together, ready to be happy.  
  
  
THE END  
  



End file.
